Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I Need Some Luck To Come My Way

I thought this year would be my year, but it's turned out that it's not. See this is the Chinese year of the Rabbit, the fertile year. Well it turns out that it is in fact the fertile year because it seems that everyone around me and beyond is getting pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I'm super happy for everyone but WHEN'S IT GONNA BE MY TURN!?!?

The good news, I'm hoping, is that starting January 23, 2012 it will be the year of the Dragon. Which apparently -for people born under that sign - is suppose to be a very lucky year and it just so happens that I was born under the sign of the Dragon. So, I have yet another year to put all my dreams into another, supposedly, lucky sign. I hope

The timing of all this seems to be a good sign too because I'm hoping that we will be doing a FET sometime at the end of February beginning of March. Yaaayyy year of the Dragon.

So I ended up having to take the misoprostal early Saturday morning on November 26th, two weeks after the diagnosed blighted ovum at 7 weeks 4 days. I just couldn't wait any longer to let things happen naturally, I needed to close this chapter so I could move forward with the next chapter. I have to say, it really wasn't as scary as I thought it would be and the pain from my endometriosis surprisingly wasn't all that bad.

I haven't really talked about my dad in a long time, that's partially because he really hasn't had much change up until recently.

Last weekend my dad informs the family that he has decided to stop his chemo. A big part of me is very sad but the other part of me knows that it's probably the best thing for him. I can't blame him. He deserves to enjoy the life he does have being able to enjoy the little things in life and that I'm happy for.

At the end of the day, that's what he's chosen and as much as I'd selfishly love for him to continue with it, it's really not doing anything to the cancer in his liver anyway. So he either dies from the cancer or dies from the chemo, I'm not sure what's worse. At least this way if he's off the chemo he could hopefully have a little better quality of life as oppose to lying on the couch all day not being able to keep anything down.

I just wish things would start to look up, we need some good luck to come our way and soon.

Sent from my iPhone

Monday, November 21, 2011

Still Waiting

It's been a week and 4 days since I've had to stop all my meds - November 10th - to try and have a natural miscarriage and I'm still waiting.

Today I asked if it was possible to be prescribed misoprostal so I can take it on the weekend to get things under way. I just need to move forward from this but as long as I'm agonizingly awaiting for things to happen I just can't move on.

When we talked to Dr H on November 16th about this last cycle he said that everything looked very good. I guess we just happened to be in the 20% that doesn't get pregnant. What luck!!

To top off our luck, it turns out that our donor has under gone some further testing with another recipient and we just found out that she carries one mutation of Alpha 1 Antitrypsin gene. What luck hey!?! So now G has to get tested. I pray that he doesn't have one mutation because that would mean that we would have to do Preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD). Which also means that we would now have to pay to unfreeze the embryos we have, pay to test them, and then pay again to re-freeze them. I wish I would have just done the testing to begin with.

When is my luck going to change?!?!?

Sent from my iPhone

Monday, November 14, 2011

DE IVF #1 - It Didn't Work...

I would have posted sooner but this weekend really was the shittiest weekend ever!!

Thursday we had our second ultrasound at 7 weeks 4 days to see if we could see anything this time. It turns out that the sac grew a little but still reading a week behind and still nothing inside, not even a speck. So the nurse called me later that day and told me to stop all meds and that Dr H would prefer me to have a natural miscarriage rather than a D&C because of possible scaring that it could cause.

Now I wait the dreaded wait. He said it could happen anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks and that if it hasn't happened within 2 weeks to give him a call and he'll prescribe some meds to help it along. This just really sucks, I thought for sure that DE would result in a pregnancy the first time. I guess I was wrong but on the bright side of things I guess it's good to know that I can at least get pregnant, if that's what you want to call a blighted ovum.

Now I know that it's just a sac that I have to expel but I'm absolutely terrified of having to naturally miscarry.  My period at the best of times is excruciating because of my endometriosis, I can't imagine how it's going to be now. I've been trying to read stories on the Internet and they sound pretty painful.

Then to top off my oh so wonderful long weekend, on Thursday G tells me that his sister and his cousin are both pregnant. I'm happy for his sister but it really couldn't have come at a worst time. Now I have to some how find it in me to congratulate her. I am absolutely devastated this didn't work.

The plan is that we're hoping to do a FET sometime in January or February 2012.

Thanks so everyone for your wonderful support.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

DE IVF #1 - 1st Ultrasound not so good...

We had our first ultrasound yesterday and I'm very sad to say that I don't think it looks very good. Yesterday we were 6 weeks 2 days and the ultrasound indicated that we were only about 5 weeks, the gestational sac measuring 6.4mm with no yolk sac or fetal pole. I'm utterly devastated. Nothing seems to come easy to us.

Though, I suppose there could be some hope, the doctor said that sometimes it is difficult to interpret the results given because results of an ultrasound this early depends on the equipment and the technician preforming the ultrasound.  He thinks it would be best to do another ultrasound in approximately 10 day. In the between time I have asked to do another HCG test just to keep my mind at ease, hopefully. I do however understand that at this point the numbers don't continue to double but to know that there going up would mean the world to me.

I'll up date more when I find out when my tests will be... and the waiting continues. :(

Has anyone had something similar happen to them and it's turn out for the positive?

Monday, October 24, 2011

DE IVF #1 - 17dp5dt - 3rd Beta Results

Today my beta results came in at 1237. Dr H again says he's very optimistic, hopefully it's true. He said he wants to continue with my scheduled U/S on November 1st to give us a better idea as to what's going on, so no more beta's for me. Not too sure what to think about that. I'm a little sad but as long as I have you guys I'm sure I'll make it to next Tuesday. :)

I really don't have much for symptoms except very thirsty all the time and quit hungry too.

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, October 20, 2011

DE IVF #1 - Second Beta at 12dp5dt

Well my Canadian clinic finally got the results today, a whole day after I took the test, and it only came back at 381 so that's only 36% more then my first beta of 278, no doubling here. I'm really sad, I just pray that it goes up a lot next Monday when they want me to test again. I'll keep you posted.

Has something similar happened to anyone here and has it resulted in a pregnancy? I need all the help I can get right now.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

DE IVF #1 - 10dp5dt beta results

Sorry I couldn't post this sooner but yesterday I got my beta results at 10dp5dt and they were a whopping 278!!! I'm so excited, I've never ever had a positive before. Tomorrow I go for my second beta, I'm just crossing my fingers that it goes up. No symptoms to really speak about except being ridiculously thirsty and super hungry at arounf 5dp5dt. I kind of thought that it may have worked this time but I just couldn't bring myself to believe it and I still can't. I'll feel so much better once we have the ultrasound November 1st. Until tomorrow...

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

DE IVF #1 - After Transfer Update

JSorry it's taken me so long to update you. We got home from Portland on Monday the 10th and had to go straight to my parents place for Canadian Thanksgiving dinner. Then I've been doing laundry from the two weeks we were away. Well enough about that lets get to the good stuff.

On Friday October 7th we transfered two 5 day, grade 4AA blasts. Doctor H said everything looked great and again he's very hopeful. 

Now I just have to wait until Monday October 17th for my beta. As of right now I'm going to try and refrain from POAS but if I cave you'll be the first to know - or well, second I'll have to tell G first. :)

At the end of the day if things don't work out and I pray that it does but if it doesn't we we're blessed with 19 frozen 5 day blasts. I know right, 19 holly crap!! I didn't get the exact grades on them all but the embryologist said they were all very high quality blasts so I'll just go with that for now.

Today I'm 5dp5dt and not too many symptoms to be had other then slight cramping and total dry mouth since 3dp5dt. Google seems to think those are good signs but I guess only time will tell.

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

DE IVF #1 - Update On Our Eggs

I'm just going to keep this one short because there really isn't much to report until day five - this coming Friday. I'm happy to report that out of the 50 eggs retrieved, 45 were mature and as of this morning - day one - 44 are fertilized. I'm so excited I've got butterflies.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

DE IVF #1 - OMG!!

I'll get to the OMG part in a sec but first, to summarize so far.

We've been in Portland since Tuesday September 27th in hopes that the donor would have the retrieval on Thursday but it ended up that she was responding a little slower then her last cycle which brought her to a retrieval on Sunday (today). So to pass the time we've been shopping a lot and doing a lot of walking in NW Portland - it's so beautiful here.

Friday, G had to give me my Delestrogen shot without the guidance of his mom and he did a great job! Saturday night was my first Progesterone shot - which G also gave me and again did a stellar job! I must say, I really have to hand it to him. He goes from being a guy that's scared of needles to having to give them - not sure if I could even do that. Good job G!!

Today We had to be at ORM for 9:00am so they could do a blood draw for E2 and P4 levels which was 2346 for E2 and 13.3 for P4 - they said that those are good numbers so I guess that's good, I hope - and a sample from G.

About an hour later after we left we got a call from the embryologist saying that they retrieved... drum roll please... 50 yup 5, 0 eggs! I can't believe it!! I'm just so shocked, is that even possible?!?! Her previous 2 cycles she got 43, 46 so I guess it is but WOW is all I have to say. Hopefully things are starting look up for us.

I'll try and up date tomorrow when we get the call with the fertilization report. I pray that we get some good numbers. Please everyone send us some good vibes.

Until tomorrow...

Sent from my iPad

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Gettin Things Underway

It's been a long time since I've last posted, but this summer has been super busy. It seems like after we found our donor things have just been cruzin along. Both good and bad.

When we went to Portland July 18th and 19th we got the all clear to go ahead with the donor cycle. The Doppler u/s that I had down there gave me better numbers then the one we had here - doesn't surprise me, they didn't really know what they were doing here. The lining check went great at 9mm and I even had the triple strip that they look for so FX that I get the same, if not better, results when we go there for DE retrieval around the end of September.

Yes that's right, we're going back to Portland that soon!! I'm so happy that I didn't have to wait long to get things underway. I picked up all my meds this week at RFP and also went to Customs - again - so they would release my 2 viles of Delestrogen so now I'm set. I start my Lupron, Prenatal Vitamins, Asprin 81mg and Doxycycline all on August 29th. My last BCP for a total of 32 days is September 2nd. It sure is happening fast, I'm getting so excited!!

Yesterday G and I had to go to his Grandpa's funeral, which was sad but was done beautifully. He was in the police force many many years ago so he go a police escort to the cemetary which was very nice. Both my Mom and Dad came to the funeral. It was a little sad though because after the precession we all went to the reception room and then all of a sudden my Dad started to cry. It caught me so off guard that I asked him why he was crying, to which he answered "it a funeral, people cry" but I think I know why, I think it was because of everything that he's been going through with his cancer. I think it just really hit him hard seeing all those people grieving... it was sad.

Dad's been good this last month after he had the blood transfusion when he went into the hospital July 23rd. His swelling has gone down in the last week and he's now able to fit into his regular shoes, which is nice because all he could get on  his feet were Crocs... I just keep praying everyday that we have a long time with him.

So that's some of it in a nut shell.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Donor #4176

We FINALLY found our donor and signed the confirmation papers yesterday. I was starting to get really discouraged after our first pick decided to only cycle once and our second pick, who was not proven, never called the clinic back to schedule her baseline - that to me was a no brainier so we just didn't even go there. I think the wait paid off though because I'm super happy to have found this donor.

She is a proven donor who has cycled twice before who just called the clinic to get reactivated on their donor list and she had absolutely phenomenal numbers. Her first cycle produced 43 eggs / 30 embryos / 15 frozen and her second cycle produced 46 eggs / 35 embryos / 17 frozen. I just pray that we get a similar amount when she cycles with us. I think it's about time we caught a break.

Hopefully when I go for my mock cycle lining check and trial transfer this Monday all goes well and we can get things underway with the donor. I'm hopping within the next few months we'll be back in Portland for the real thing. Yayyy!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

And We're Off To Portland!

Last night was my first shot that got the mock cycle under way. It was my very first IM shot in the buttocks. I have to say, I was sooo scared I seriously did the ugly cry and it was in front of my mother in-law to boot! She was really great though, she had tons of patients with me and even put up with me making her watch a video first - she use to be a nurse and obviously knows how to give needles but I just couldn't move forward. :)

So I lie on the bed, I'm freaked right out, she's talking to me and then she said she was done. I DIDN'T EVEN FEEL A THING! How embarrassing. Oh well, now I know and it won't be such a big deal for Thursday's shot.

I booked our fight and hotel this morning, we're going to be staying at the Inn at Northrup Station. I heard that its a nice place to stay so if it works outs we'll stay there for the real cycle.

Does anyone have any advice on things to do and places to visit while we're there? Oh and can't forget the clothes shopping, are there any good places that are a must go see?

Sent from my iPhone

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Another Year Older

Today we're having G's family over to celebrate my birthday, which was actually on June 15th but last weekend we celebrated it with my family. So today is a day of cleaning the house and getting things ready for them to come over. It should be a good day, weather seems to be good so far so we may just be able to have it outside yay!

So another year older and no closer to our dream. I have to say that since TTC, the years have just flown by. Makes me sad, I always wanted to have a baby by 30 but that's just not the case. Here's to hoping that this will be our year so I don't have to go through another childless birthday.

The nurse at ORM finally got back to me yesterday. She said that they don't feel they need to do anything at this time with the 3cm endometrioma that I have on my right ovary. She also got the Doppler results and said that my levels are a little higher then they would like to see - they would prefer to have them below 3 and my levels are 3.94 on the right and 3.2 on the left. Consequently, they would like me to do some acupuncture prior to my cycle. I'll have to ask but I'm not too sure if they want that done before the mock cycle or just for actual cycle. Just another appointment that I have to fill my already busy days...

I'm really overwhelmed with things and now to top it off I only have 4 more days of BCP before I to make a decision to do the mock cycle this coming month or next month. A part of me wants to just get it over with but the other part of me just needs a break; or it could be that I'm secretly freaked right out of the Delestrogen shot I have to do on cycle day 2 and every third day after that. I've never done intramuscular shots before.

Well I'm off to help G get things ready for my birthday party.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Happy IComLeavWe!!

It's that time again, Happy IComLeavWe!! This is my second time joining ICLW and I'm so glad I did!!

Not too much is new, still on BCP - I think I have 9 more days to go - then I think I may start the mock cycle. I'm not too sure though, I've just been feeling kind of off lately. My stomach hasn't been feeling well for the pat 2 weeks, I think it's all the stress that I've been under with my work, my Dad and all this. Hopefully I feel better before finish my pills or I may just wait until next month. :(

Oh and I was able to get my Delestrogen last week, thank goodness!! Early Wednesday morning I went to Customs to get my FedEx release form signed. I was so scared that they wouldn't release it but much to my surprise I actually got a lady with a heart - there is an angle above!! She looked at it and knew right away what it was for and stamped it, I was so shocked. She told me that she tried for 8 years and finally at age 40 she had twins through IVF. I cried, I just couldn't help it. It was the first thing that had actually gone smooth. She gave me her card and said to call when we have more meds come through and she wished me luck and said not to give up. I was so touched. I'm so glad I met her, it made having to go through all that crap with FedEx worth it.

I had my Doppler U/S on Friday, it went well I think but they had no idea what the US clinic was looking for so I was there for like an hour and a half. The only unfortunate part was that my one and only right ovary has a 3cm Endometrioma. I put in a call to the US clinic to see what they want to do about it. I would really like for the clinic here to drain it so it doesn't burst and create more problems but I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Its The Little Things That Make Me Happy...

YAYYY!!! I got myself a signature thanks to Jen, thanks Jen!!

Now, if anyone knows how to get the rolling labels (I think that's what you would call it) I think I should be set!!

Thanks again Jen

Monday, June 13, 2011

Just Another Crazy Weekend.

WOW!! I haven't be able to get on here in awhile - super busy, but what else is new - and I log in today to find that I have 18 followers and 1468 page views... that's crazy!! Thanks for taking the time to read my blog but please excuse the bad punctuation and grammar.

I never thought I'd ever be writing my thoughts down like this but I'm glad I did because with your support and the support of IVF.ca it's made my struggles with infertility, and now my dads battle with cancer, a lot easier to handle. Thanks everyone!!

The weekend went by very quick, yet again! G and I had our appointment with the psychologist at RFP Saturday morning. I think it went really well and I really enjoyed the conversation we had with the psychologist. That's another thing checked off our list for ORM. Yay!!

Good thing I decided to do the mock cycle for ORM next month because early Saturday morning, just before we get to RFP for our psych consult, I get a call from FedEx saying that their unable to release the Delestrogen to customs... what!?!?! The guy said that he looked on the Health Canada website and the drug has been recalled in Canada- I can't seem to find that documentation anywhere - and that it has many warnings with lots of bad side affects... well of course it has warnings and affects, it's a frickin drug for gosh sakes!!! Luckily I was on my way to RFP because I was able to get them to write up a letter so that - hopefully - the drug can be release but now I'm waiting to hear back from FedEx. Fun times!! Has this happened to any of you Canadian gals?

Friday I go for the Doppler U/S then it's the mock cycle next month and then we're off to the races, providing we find a donor soon.

Monday, June 6, 2011

A Little Catch Up

Just a quick post to catch up a little. Sorry I've been MIA. Things have been so crazy busy I just haven't had time to write. :( I miss you all though!!

So I had my Hysteroscopy and Endo Biopsy on May 24th - wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be - and I just got the results from ORM today. They said that everything looked great... Phew! AF also showed up today so I told the nurse at ORM who then says that we can start the mock cycle... YEAH?!? Well, it would be great but they want me on Delestrogen which we don't have here in Canada; which means I would have to get it shipped here but it would have to be here in 2 days because I'm to start the shots on day 3. I sent an e-mail asking if I could be put on the patches instead, I guess I'll wait to here from the nurse tomorrow and if they're OK with that then were on our way. If not I guess we could be moved up to next month which would suck but what ever.

Last Monday I went to my dads chemo with him. It was really nice to spend that alone time with him and to see what all goes on when he goes for his sessions. We went there for 9:00am for blood work then waited around to talk with the doctor  and so he can see how he's been doing. Then we went outside and had lunch - it was nice to get out of the hospital for a bit. Then we went back in and waited for his chemo which was suppose to be at 1:00pm but he didn't end up getting it until 3:00, so we didn't get out of there until 6:00. It was a long day but I wouldn't have changed it for the world... well, minus the part where my dad has to get chemo. I really enjoyed spending the time with him.

Next CT scan is booked for July 12th. I pray that the results are good.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The Versatile Blogger Award!!

YAY!!! I'm so excited that I've received the "Versatile Blogger Award" from ♥ C, the author of
 Ready for My Baby Bump

 If you get a chance, I highly suggest you visit ♥ C's Blog. I haven't been following long but so far I'm really enjoying her blog. Like many of us, she has only chosen to share her TTC journey with the blogesphere so lets be here to support her.

Here are the rules for being awarded The Versatile Blogger Award:
(I may have changed some rules but there seems to be so many variations out there - or so I saw.)
1. Thank and link to the person who nominated you.
2. Share seven random facts about yourself.
3. Pass the award along to 7 new-found blogging buddies.
4. Contact the winners to congratulate them.

Here it goes, 7 random facts about lill ol'me...

1. I'm 5'7'' and a half. I know, did you really need to get that half in there?!? ;)
2. My favorite color is Purple... well it has been for the last little while anyways.
3. I'm a neat freak.
4. I'm obsessed with my iPhone!! I just got it Thursday and I can't put it down.
5. Just found out that I have very good coping skills
6. I can't leave the house without my make-up on.
7. I have a secret soft spot for my fur baby... lets call him Manny, he gets away with everything. OK so maybe not so secret.

And now, drum roll please…My Versatile Blogger Awards go to - and in particular order, I promise

1. Nic at Trying For A Baby
2. Tippy at Tippy & Tidy's tumultuous Trip to Toddlers
3. SurlyMama at It's Definitely Possible
4. Jen at Jelly's Bean
5. A at The Journey to Baby G
6. Thirtiesgirl at Babies, Balanced Translocations, and Being in my 30's
7. Diana at Bun(less) in the Oven

So go on and visit these amazing blogs and be inspired like I did.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Welcome ICLW'ers!!

Hello All!!

This is my first time participating in ICLW and so far it's been great!! I've found a ton of new blogs to follow and I've gained 3 followers so far YAY!! I hope I don't disappoint!

I also love the fact that I've gotten some great responses to the "To Shave, Or Not To Shave, That Is The Question" post, so please keep them coming!! We need to have a little fun while having to go through all this, don't we?!?  On that topic though, I do agree with the waxing, it hurts like b**ch but it lasts way longer.

I just want to send out a BIG thanks for all the support you all have shown me so far wither its for IF stuff or the stuff I'm going through with my dad and his newly diagnosis of unknown primary liver cancer. It's been great to be able to escape here and to chat with people who have gone though similar stuff, though I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, it has been great.

To read more about what I've gone through as far as IF goes you can check out my first post Here or...

In short, I'm a 34 your old with stage 4 endometriosis diagnosed at age 30. Started ART approx a year and a half ago. Check out "Our TTC Journey... So Far" to get a more summarized detail on the cycles we've done so far.

I've tried Acupuncture and taken tons of vitamins and still nothing to show for it. Next steps, G (my hubby) and I have chosen to seek out DE at Oregon Reproduction Medicine with Dr Hesla. FX that this step brings us to our dream of baby.

Happy ICLW Week!!


Saturday, May 21, 2011

Road Trip To Brooks, AB Canada?!?

I woke up today and posted on a few blogs to fulfill my ICLW posts for the day, just in case I can't make it back to my computer and thankfully I did because I called dad to see how he was doing today. He said he was good but just a little tired.

I felt so bad, he really hasn't been doing as much fun stuff since all his chemo so I asked him if he would like to go down to Brooks to get the model ship that he built for my uncle many years ago - which we've kind of been holding off on. See, ever since my uncle passed away my aunt hasn't wanted it and my dad loved it so much that he offered to take it off her hands. What she doesn't realize is that those model ships cost a pretty penny. Anyways he agreed and now we're off to brooks on a day trip to get it.

Well at least I got out of cleaning the house and dad and I get to spend more time together. G is driving I'm typing and dads resting in the back. He's pretty happy to be getting the ship, now he can stain it and it gives him yet another thing to work on.

Getting a little nervous now that the hysteroscopy and endo biopsy are fast approaching. I got my time yesterday so it seems more real. I've decided to take the following day off of work after the surgery just because I think I deserve it after all I've been through.

Well we're in Brooks now, chat with you all soon and happy ICLW week!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

My Dads CT Results Are In

Dad got his CT results back on Monday, they were ok but most of the masses in his liver grew approx. 1cm. The doctor feels that the reason we’re seeing an increase in size is because there was a two month wait between the first CT scan to the start of his first chemo session. See he had the original CT done January 10, 2011. Then he started Chemo March 7, 2011. Then May 9, 2011 was his most recent CT scan which really has only been two months of chemo. The Doctor, from what my dad tells me, sounds optimistic so my dad has chosen to continue with chemo for another three months then they will have another CT done to get a better idea of what’s really going on. Now we wait… AGAIN!

I’m so sad, I really don’t know what to think at this point. I guess I was just really hopeful based on how my dad has been feeling and looking these past few weeks that we would have gotten some really good results. I guess that’s really not the case but I have to keep in mind that he is only on palliative chemo, which I knew, but it just seems more real when you actually read it on the CT results. I just pray that he continues to look and feel better in the next three months in hopes of some good news.

In Other News...

Hystroscopy and Endo Biopsy are quickly approaching. Only 6 more days to go!! Does anyone know if I will need to take a few days off after this or could I go back to work the next day? I just have a desk job so I won’t be doing anything strenuous. Does it hurt to have this done?

Sunday, May 15, 2011

To Shave, Or Not To Shave, That Is The Question...

I've always wanted to ask this but was too scared of what people would think. So is it bad to shave your entire nether region? Or would you just do a partial shave or leave it entirely?

I mean when I was younger I always heard - to put it lightly -  that only the very promiscuous types shave it all off - I know that's not true.  Or if I don't shave it all off am I considered "not clean"? The partial shave seems to be in the middle of the two so is it just better to do that?

I personally would prefer it all off because I just feel cleaner but I'm scared to shave it all off when having all these appointments in fear what the doctors may think . So is it normal to shave it all off? Would the doctors think differently of me if I did or didn't?

I know this is such a dumb question but one I've pondered for a long time and thought that it wouldn't hurt to just throw the question out there in blogger land.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Another Visit?!?

Well, for some reason AF decided to show her ugly face today. This is a good thing because at least - FX it stops - I will be in the Follicular Phase of my cycle when I get the endo biopsy and hesterocopy done, which is what Dr Hesla wanted, but bad for the fact that it's only been 18 days since her last appearance. :( I really wish she would just get back on track again... damn IVF!

Yesterday my dad had his CT so I'm hoping that we should hear something in a few days and if not then for sure by next Monday when he goes in for another chemo session. He says he's been feeling better and he's even feeling hopeful that it is working so I'm hoping that's a good sign. Also when I saw him on Sunday he looked way better, he even had some color in his cheeks YAYY!!

Monday we went to get our blood tests done, so that's a few more things checked off of our list for ORM. Now I just need a donor...

The following is a list of the tests that we had to have done.

My Blood Tests
*Hepatitis B surface antigen
*Hepatitis C antibody
*RPR (syphilis)
*HIV (AIDS) 1 & 2
*Rubella IgG
*Varicella IgG
*ABO/Rh blood type
*Rh antibody screen

G's Blood Tests
*Hepatitis B surface antigen
*Hepatitis C antibody
*RPR (Syphilis)
*Cystic Fibrosis panel

When we got to the lab there really wasn't many people there so we didn't really have to wait too long which was nice for a change. First I got called then sometime when I was getting my blood drawn G got called.
It was so funny, he came out of the room waaaayyy after me which I found weird but figured he must have went in way after me - even though there wasn't anyone else in the waiting room?!?

He looked a little perplexed when he came out so I'm thinking something must have happened back there. When we got out of the Lab Services place I asked if something happened, well, well, well, first off he said that they  poked and poked and fished and fished until they finally got a vein - I'm sure we all know how that feels, right ladies!?!? Then he said that they had to fill 4 HUGE vials - over exaggeration I'm sure and did you see my list of tests compared to his. Then to top off his traumatizing experience he said that the blood was flowing out super slow and that's why it took so long. Men... such little babies. LOL but it did kind of make my day though, is that wrong :)

Friday, May 6, 2011


I guess I always knew it was a possibility but I didn't really think it would come true...

I got a call today from the Donor Coordinator at ORM, she didn't sound to optimistic so I knew right away that she wasn't calling with good news. After a few seconds of small talk - which felt like minutes - she then said that she was sorry to say but the donor that we had chosen has decided that she no longer wants to cycle. I'm so sad, this sucks big time!! Now what?!?! I guess it's back to the drawing board.

I'm having a hard time picking donors on the current donor list so the Donor Coordinator said that she would help me find what I'm looking for. Fingers crossed that it all works out. Who knows, maybe this was suppose to happen and I will end up finding exactly what I was looking for.

What a way to start my weekend. :(

Monday, April 25, 2011

I'm back!

First off I'm super sorry that I've been MIA for the last little while. I've been totally busy with my dad, work and just life in general.

Dad has been as good as can be, he's still on the chemo and thankfully hasn't lost any more weight since the start of it. He's been fluctuating between 187 to 188 so I'm glad for that, but I have to keep bugging him to eat all the time and at the very least to drink his Ensure - he says that food just doesn't taste the same anymore - I feel so bad for him, he was at 200lbs before all of this. Good news though, or bad, depending on how you look at it; we found out that my dad has his 3 month CT scan booked for May 10th. This should tell us if he has been responding to the chemo thus far. If not, I'm not sure what we'll do but I just pray that it's working.

Now my infertility life...

About a week ago I found out my OR date for the Endo Biopsy and the Hysteroscopy has been booked for May 24th but I'm not too sure that date is going to work. I only say that because this last Monday was my last BCP, so if I do the math, next visit from AF should be around the 24th, 25th of May. That sucks! Now I'll have to call the clinic to get them to reschedule... how long will I have to wait now?!?

On the 22nd I had yet another consult, but this time it was with the donor nurse at ORM. It went really well, it was basically just to go over the things that I needed to get done before my DE cycle begins. Like my pending Hysterocopy and Endo Biopsy, a boat load of blood tests, a pap and a Donor Egg Consult with a Psychologist - which my have to be done there. Dr Hesla also would like to do a Mock Cycle, which I'm OK with just because it gives him an opportunity to see how I'll respond to the meds given the fact that my last FET didn't go to well with all the spotting I had. The nurse also said that she would like us to go down to Oregon for the tail end of the mock cycle so that Dr H can check my lining, do a Doppler U/S to see how blood flow is and to do a trial transfer. It sucks to have to spend the money to get there and to stay in a hotel but its the best thing to do. I've been trying ART for over a year now - referral to my clinic in canada 2 1/2 years ago - so its been a long time and I want to make sure things go well and that we have a good chance with this. So no complaining here, even if I have to stick myself with the intramuscular delestrogen injections... OUCH! Not looking forward to those.

Other news, I found out the donor we have chosen had 23 retrieved, 18 mature, and 13 fertilized with her first cycle ever! That to me is some pretty good numbers but we're still waiting to find out how many made it to day 5 so my opinion could change and so could my donor choice. I think I may just e-mail them tomorrow to see. If all goes well I just have to pray to the goddesses that she wants to cycle 2 more times - one with the next couple in line and then with us so FX that she does.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Could It Be Good Luck Or Bad?

All in all I had a pretty good weekend. Saturday I got my blood results back and all the levels turned out to be good. The nurse thought that even though everything looked good I should still come in to see Dr. W on Tuesday (today).

Sunday was also good, woke up late, lounged on the couch with a coffee for a few hours and then went to get ready to go out to visit G's grandparents. As I'm putting my make-up stuff away I accidentally pushed my make-up mirror of the ledge and it goes crashing into the tub, glass everywhere. Thank goodness it was in the tub, if it would have went on the tile floor I would have had shards of glass everywhere and it would have been h*ll to clean up. I'm praying that me breaking the mirror is not a bad sign but a good sign. A sign that maybe this year I will have broken my bad luck and will finally get that long awaited BFP! One can only hope I guess.

Today I went to the appointment thinking that it was going to be a waste of time because the spotting had finally stopped - Whew! But then ORM pulled through with the e-mail I was waiting for, they finally sent the letter asking Dr. W to do an Endo Biopsy and a hysteroscopy so I printed it off and went to my appointment in hopes that I could get the ball rolling a little quicker. They did send a copy to him but I figured if I went into the appointment with the letter he would book the appointment right away.

I get to RFP and the waiting room was fairly empty so I only had to wait like 10 minutes before they called me back to meet with Dr. W. As the nurse escorts me to the room, opens the door and I walk in to take a seat, just as she's closing the door I noticed the baby bump... Yup, in the fertility clinic. The one place you think that you can, for the most part, be safe from the baby bump of a fertile women. After she left the room my initial thoughts weren't good but then I thought to myself if she comes back I should congratulate her because I'd imagine she probably doesn't hear it much from patients struggling with IF. So when she came back into the room I congratulated her - which made me feel good - and she smiled big then hid her belly and said a quiet thanks and that she tries really hard to hide it. I'm so glad I said something to her, it not only made me feel better but I'm sure it made her feel good too. Its so sad that she has to hide it, but I understand why.

When Dr. W came in I showed him the letter from Dr H and he right away said no problem, went over the risks and the next thing I knew I was signing the consent forms to have the Hysteroscopy and Endo Biopsy done. He said that I should get the call for the appointment date within the next week or so. Guess it finally looks like this could actually be moving along but I won't hold my breath too soon.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Getting Some Blood Work Done!

I'm trying this post from my Blackberry so let's hope this works.

So I guess I'm kind of between clinics, see I had to call RFP because ever since my BFN from my last FET in February AF has been all buggered up and I've had non stop spotting. Yup, you heard that right, ever since February.

10 days ago I decided to put myself on BCP to see if it would stop and nothing changed. So I called the clinic on Wednesday and they finally got back to me today. They want me to go for some blood tests to see why she hasn't stopped yet, thank goodness. So, I'm off to get B/W done. Hopefully I'll get the results tomorrow and we can finally straighten things out.

In other news, I e-mailed the Donor Nurse at ORM yesterday about the donor we would like. I knew she was currently in cycle but who would have thought she would already have another recipient waiting... It turns out we would be third in line - providing she wants to cycle again - which would be around Sept/Oct. The nurse said she'd have to ask her but she wouldn't do that until she's had her retrieval, which should be in 2 - 3 days. After going through it myself 2 times I can't say I would be all that eager to want to do it a third time if I was in her shoes, but ya never know, all one can do is hope.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Had My Phone Consult with ORM Today

Had my phone consult with Dr Hesla and it went really well, he sounds like such a kind and caring man. Also unlike some other places he really tried to make sure that we didn't have to incur any unnecessary extra costs - could be a good thing but could also be a bad thing, I guess we'll see. Basically he was more then comfortable with allowing us to get the tests he required done here in our home town under my benefits so that was really nice.

He said that given my history he would like to do a mock cycle - which I'm totally fine with - just to see how I would respond and if my lining could produce a triple strip with the meds he wants to put me on. He would also like to get a Hysteroscopy and Endometrial Biopsy done (my RE wouldn't do one) just to check things out. The reason for this is because ever since my last two IVF cycles I have had a lot of continual - sorry TMI - brown spotting. They say that people with Endometriosis are more likly to have continual brown spotting but this is crazy! I mean it was crazy before but for F sakes!! I mean I don't even want to be intimate with G becasue it's so very embarrassing.

I also mentioned the noted hydrosalpinx on the first cycle with RFP and he said that he's going to request my HSG tests from the radiology department down here so that he can take a closer look at it for him self. He doesn't think it should be a problem which is good and then with us getting those other tests done I just feel so much better. I will however have to send him an e-mail asking about my TSH levels, I can't help but to think that my lack of weight loss is due to high levels. FX that's all that problem is because I assure you I'm not eating much at all and when I do it's basically cardboard.

I think we also found our donor, YAY!! - quick I know but I've been looking at their data base for the past month. The only problem is that for the past 2 weeks our donor has been in cycle with another couple. Good news though, is that she was a non proven donor and will now - if all goes well - be a proven donor. Bad news, is that she would be considered a proven donor, which costs more money... oh well, the piece of mind is worth it in the end. I just hope that she wants to cycle again considering this will be her first experience with injections and the dreaded egg retriEVIL. I sure won't miss the retrieval this time around but I'll be getting the pain back in the form of the lovely intramuscular progesterone and possible estrogen shots in the ASS... not looking forward to that.

Monday, April 4, 2011

One More Sleep...

OK, so it's been a long time since I've posted and I have to apologize for that. It's just there really hasn't been much going on lately. This past weekend was a relaxing one - more forced but still relaxing - because it snowed nearly 15cm in a day!

So during my house bound weekend I was able to get our taxes done which brought us a good chunk of money back, YAY!! Thank goodness because we spent a crap load of cash on the past 2 IVF's and 1 FET in 2010 but considering what we spent I didn't get nearly enough moo la back, oh well, this year - providing we get to start a DE cycle - I'll definitely be getting an accountant to do our taxes next year to maximize our deductions to the fullest.

Tomorrow is our phone consult with ORM - they had to cancel our original consult which was on the 7th and change it to the 5th. Not too bad, at least we didn't have to wait weeks after. I'm super excited, I can't wait to get things going.

Today was my dad's fourth round of chemo and next Monday is his week off. Thank goodness because I think its starting to take a toll on him. He tires more easily now, once a man that did woodworking, walked the dog, and curled all in one day to now maybe doing one of those things. He's doing great considering, or at least I think he is, he doesn't say much about how he feels other then good. I try to help out by bring him and my mom meals as much as I can so that he doesn't have to cook and I try and do other things just to hopefully make things easier on him.

Until tomorrow - or the next day - when I let you all know how the consult went. FX that it all works out at that they feel that I can in fact move forward with DE.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

The Weekend is Almost Over *Sigh*

I sure wish weekends didn't go so fast.

This morning G had to go tend to some work stuff - he started his own company about a year ago - so I'm just taking it easy, curling up on the couch with my little dog and reading a book because the weather sucks but it's really beautiful out.

Yesterday I went to my parents place to visit my dad and to make them a healthy supper. He seems to be doing pretty good, he hasn't gained any weight back but nor has he lost anymore.

This past week was his week off chemo so he's had a better week this week but tomorrow he's back on chemo for another two weeks. I really hope he's not getting discouraged though because he made a comment to me yesterday that makes me think that he's not as positive as he was at the start of his chemo three weeks ago. I do believe that he is reevaluating some things, which could be a good thing because he's picking up the things he use to love to do many, many years ago and doing them again but he's also been fixing things too so I'm not too sure what that all about.

Right now he's been getting back into building his model boats - very time consuming but they look awesome!! He also loves playing around with his model trains but he doesn't have them set up in this house so he decided one night this last week that he's going to set them up again. I think he finds it relaxing and I'd imagine that it gets his mind off of everything.

As for me, AF hasn't been very nice to me lately. She came on the 10th and now she's back again. I think it's because when I did my last FET my RE moved her up from the end of the month to the beginning so I think I'm going to go back on BCP. This way I can regulate her and hopefully control my endo a little. Should I call my RE and tell him, probably, but I think I would just be wasting time waiting to hear back from him only to hear that he wants to put me on BCP... Or should I call my new RE at ORM to see what I should do, gosh I don't know, if anyone wants to comment please do so. I'm open to any suggestions.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I Can't Believe It!!

I can't believe it, I got home today and checked the mail and there it was, my file from RFP. I only sent the release forms to them on Friday the 18th. Wow, I seriously though that getting my file from them would have been a big struggle because it took them a week to sent a measly 17 illegible pages to ORM via fax.

So I open up the envelope and start reading through my previous IVF cycles. The first page is a letter to my GP that was typed up after our first consult at RFP that stated that a recent ultrasound (u/s) has shown a right Hydrosalpinx... they never mentioned that at our consult!?! As I kept reading it said that "This couple's infertility includes male factor" - is it wrong that I'm secretly happy that it isn't just me? lol Then I keep flipping through the pages and I notice that they didn't include my my chart from cycle one; hmm could that be because they had a question mark on it with the word hydro and they didn't want me to see it?!? Funny because I questioned them on wither or not I may have had a hydro after the first cycle based on what the doctor said at my last u/s before Egg Retrieval (ER) and they denied it. Well lucky me, ORM sent me what they sent them and that page was in there... A holes!! A part of me can't help but think that this could partially be the reason I haven't achieved a BFP yet.

I think what I'm going to do is send the file to ORM in hopes that maybe they can evaluate the entire file and decide wither or not we should do further testing into the hydro. This way I wouldn't be wasting any more time or money on something that won't work because someone couldn't do the proper tests in the first place... Just a little agitated, can ya tell.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Patiently Waiting

Still patiently waiting for my phone consult, man I wish the time would go by faster, I just really want to get things going.

On Sunday G and I went out for dinner with his parents, it was nice except for the fact that we were talking DE all throughout dinner. See, earlier in the day G went to visit them because he had to ask his mom some questions regarding his health history for ORM and of course he had to tell her about what we were planning on doing. I guess it was nice that they are really taking an interest in it but I really didn't want to consume our evening with something I consume most of my day thinking about.

Got the pass ports sent off today, one job done. Now I have to finish filling out the papers and send them off to ORM. Finally after a week and a half my current clinic got back to ORM and sent them my file but they sure didn't care if they could read it. They faxed it to them and the quality is horrid!! So I call the clinic and asked to get a copy of my file, they said it's going to cost me $25.00 for an admin fee plus 0.30 cents per page which she said would cost me approx $70.00... What the!!! I just finished paying like 30k there and they can't give me a copy of my file... what ever!

Still chugging along in the weight loss department .I'm working out every morning and sticking to 1200 calories a day and I haven't lost any more weight since the last time I reported my 2 lbs weight loss. How sad is that! Week 5 here we come...

Monday, March 14, 2011

Tying Up Loose Ends

Nothing new to report as far as are infertility quest goes. Hopefully things will get rolling once we have our phone consult but until then I'll be getting questions together for it, filling out all the paper work for them and renewing our passports.

On the weekend we completed half of our pass port task and got our pictures taken. Oh what fun that was, it's been five and a half years since the first pictures were taken and back then you were at least allowed to smile. Now you can't smile and I had to put my hair behind my ears.  When we got our photos back we went back to the car and I checked them out. First I opened G's, his was in color and he didn't look too bad. Then I opened mine... I look like crap!! it looks like have monkey ears with those ears sticking way out in front of my dark hair. Oh well, it's only a photo that I have to live with for 5 YEARS!!! :(

In Weight loss department I finally lost 2lbs Yay!! Not too bad but I wish I could have lost more. I'd like to be a BMI of 22.7 right now I'm at 27.2. Slow and steady wins the race right?!?

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Ball is Rolling

I finally called ORM yesterday and I have a phone consult with Dr Hesla on April 7th. I'm really excited to get things started. I think I've chosen a good clinic but I guess we'll soon see. Until then, it's weight loss time!!

So, for the last twelve days I've been eating no more then 1200 calories a day and waking up at 4:30am every morning to go on my Elliptical to have NOT lost one single pound!! I'm sooo pissed right now, this is more effort then I've ever done to not lose a thing... *sight* Could it have been all the IVF meds I've been putting into my body for the past year?!? I just wish I could get my body back to normal and preferably before my DE cycle.

Other news, my dad had his first chemo treatment on Monday the 7th since being diagnosed with unknown primary liver cancer two months ago. He said that he felt a little nauseous in the evening after the treatment but that could have been because he was suppose to start drinking his eight glasses of water right after the treatment, which he didn't until many hours later. I think he learnt his lesson on that one. Today he said he feels good except for some dizziness, which apparently is one of the side effects. I sure hope that he bets this cancer. I just never thought that this would happen to him but who am I kidding, cancer isn't picky. All I can do is hope and pray that he has the strength to get through this.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Long Time Reader, First Time Poster

In 1999 I met the man I was going to marry and start a family with. Much to our dismay it hasn't quite worked out that way. We got to the marriage part but just haven't reached the family part. Prior to all this infertility stuff life was great, we built our first home, moved in and then got our cute little Manchester Terrier all in 2003. All and all life was pretty normal...
and this is where our story begins...

In March 2007 I was diagnosed with stage IV Endometriosis, had surgery, lost my left ovary during the surgery and was told to start TTC as soon as possible.

June 2007, we finally got married after being together for 8 years. It sure did take him long enough to put a ring on it that's for sure.

October 2007, we sold our old home and moved into our new home which we started the building process on in March. The past 7 months had been crazy. I couldn't believe we got through it all in one piece but that was just one of many more to come. What do they say, building a house and getting married are like the number one stressers on a relationship and if you can get through that you can get through anything.

Fast forward to 2011, still nothing in the TTC department.  2 IVF's and 1 FET later with my own eggs, which I might add are very few and far between and the results were negative, negative, negative. So with that said we have come to the decision to move forward using DE.

I'm thinking about going to ORM - Oregon Reproductive Medicine. Right now I think the only thing holding me back is the fear of the unknown. I've done the research and I'm pretty confident in my decision but I just have to get the balls to get the "ball" rolling. Hopefully that will be soon. There could be a little reluctance on my part partially because I'm also dealing with the fact that my dad has been newly diagnoses with cancer which apparently the doctor doesn't think can be cured with Chemo only managed. My dad is my rock, I love him to bits I have no idea how I can do this whole thing without him. I just hope I'll have him around for many more years to come.

OK I hope I haven't bored you all but this is my very first post so be gentle in the comments department.
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