Another Year Older

Today we're having G's family over to celebrate my birthday, which was actually on June 15th but last weekend we celebrated it with my family. So today is a day of cleaning the house and getting things ready for them to come over. It should be a good day, weather seems to be good so far so we may just be able to have it outside yay!

So another year older and no closer to our dream. I have to say that since TTC, the years have just flown by. Makes me sad, I always wanted to have a baby by 30 but that's just not the case. Here's to hoping that this will be our year so I don't have to go through another childless birthday.

The nurse at ORM finally got back to me yesterday. She said that they don't feel they need to do anything at this time with the 3cm endometrioma that I have on my right ovary. She also got the Doppler results and said that my levels are a little higher then they would like to see - they would prefer to have them below 3 and my levels are 3.94 on the right and 3.2 on the left. Consequently, they would like me to do some acupuncture prior to my cycle. I'll have to ask but I'm not too sure if they want that done before the mock cycle or just for actual cycle. Just another appointment that I have to fill my already busy days...

I'm really overwhelmed with things and now to top it off I only have 4 more days of BCP before I to make a decision to do the mock cycle this coming month or next month. A part of me wants to just get it over with but the other part of me just needs a break; or it could be that I'm secretly freaked right out of the Delestrogen shot I have to do on cycle day 2 and every third day after that. I've never done intramuscular shots before.

Well I'm off to help G get things ready for my birthday party.

Damn!!

I guess I always knew it was a possibility but I didn't really think it would come true...

I got a call today from the Donor Coordinator at ORM, she didn't sound to optimistic so I knew right away that she wasn't calling with good news. After a few seconds of small talk - which felt like minutes - she then said that she was sorry to say but the donor that we had chosen has decided that she no longer wants to cycle. I'm so sad, this sucks big time!! Now what?!?! I guess it's back to the drawing board.

I'm having a hard time picking donors on the current donor list so the Donor Coordinator said that she would help me find what I'm looking for. Fingers crossed that it all works out. Who knows, maybe this was suppose to happen and I will end up finding exactly what I was looking for.

What a way to start my weekend. :(

I'm back!

First off I'm super sorry that I've been MIA for the last little while. I've been totally busy with my dad, work and just life in general.

Dad has been as good as can be, he's still on the chemo and thankfully hasn't lost any more weight since the start of it. He's been fluctuating between 187 to 188 so I'm glad for that, but I have to keep bugging him to eat all the time and at the very least to drink his Ensure - he says that food just doesn't taste the same anymore - I feel so bad for him, he was at 200lbs before all of this. Good news though, or bad, depending on how you look at it; we found out that my dad has his 3 month CT scan booked for May 10th. This should tell us if he has been responding to the chemo thus far. If not, I'm not sure what we'll do but I just pray that it's working.

Now my infertility life...

About a week ago I found out my OR date for the Endo Biopsy and the Hysteroscopy has been booked for May 24th but I'm not too sure that date is going to work. I only say that because this last Monday was my last BCP, so if I do the math, next visit from AF should be around the 24th, 25th of May. That sucks! Now I'll have to call the clinic to get them to reschedule... how long will I have to wait now?!?

On the 22nd I had yet another consult, but this time it was with the donor nurse at ORM. It went really well, it was basically just to go over the things that I needed to get done before my DE cycle begins. Like my pending Hysterocopy and Endo Biopsy, a boat load of blood tests, a pap and a Donor Egg Consult with a Psychologist - which my have to be done there. Dr Hesla also would like to do a Mock Cycle, which I'm OK with just because it gives him an opportunity to see how I'll respond to the meds given the fact that my last FET didn't go to well with all the spotting I had. The nurse also said that she would like us to go down to Oregon for the tail end of the mock cycle so that Dr H can check my lining, do a Doppler U/S to see how blood flow is and to do a trial transfer. It sucks to have to spend the money to get there and to stay in a hotel but its the best thing to do. I've been trying ART for over a year now - referral to my clinic in canada 2 1/2 years ago - so its been a long time and I want to make sure things go well and that we have a good chance with this. So no complaining here, even if I have to stick myself with the intramuscular delestrogen injections... OUCH! Not looking forward to those.

Other news, I found out the donor we have chosen had 23 retrieved, 18 mature, and 13 fertilized with her first cycle ever! That to me is some pretty good numbers but we're still waiting to find out how many made it to day 5 so my opinion could change and so could my donor choice. I think I may just e-mail them tomorrow to see. If all goes well I just have to pray to the goddesses that she wants to cycle 2 more times - one with the next couple in line and then with us so FX that she does.

Could It Be Good Luck Or Bad?

All in all I had a pretty good weekend. Saturday I got my blood results back and all the levels turned out to be good. The nurse thought that even though everything looked good I should still come in to see Dr. W on Tuesday (today).

Sunday was also good, woke up late, lounged on the couch with a coffee for a few hours and then went to get ready to go out to visit G's grandparents. As I'm putting my make-up stuff away I accidentally pushed my make-up mirror of the ledge and it goes crashing into the tub, glass everywhere. Thank goodness it was in the tub, if it would have went on the tile floor I would have had shards of glass everywhere and it would have been h*ll to clean up. I'm praying that me breaking the mirror is not a bad sign but a good sign. A sign that maybe this year I will have broken my bad luck and will finally get that long awaited BFP! One can only hope I guess.

Today I went to the appointment thinking that it was going to be a waste of time because the spotting had finally stopped - Whew! But then ORM pulled through with the e-mail I was waiting for, they finally sent the letter asking Dr. W to do an Endo Biopsy and a hysteroscopy so I printed it off and went to my appointment in hopes that I could get the ball rolling a little quicker. They did send a copy to him but I figured if I went into the appointment with the letter he would book the appointment right away.

I get to RFP and the waiting room was fairly empty so I only had to wait like 10 minutes before they called me back to meet with Dr. W. As the nurse escorts me to the room, opens the door and I walk in to take a seat, just as she's closing the door I noticed the baby bump... Yup, in the fertility clinic. The one place you think that you can, for the most part, be safe from the baby bump of a fertile women. After she left the room my initial thoughts weren't good but then I thought to myself if she comes back I should congratulate her because I'd imagine she probably doesn't hear it much from patients struggling with IF. So when she came back into the room I congratulated her - which made me feel good - and she smiled big then hid her belly and said a quiet thanks and that she tries really hard to hide it. I'm so glad I said something to her, it not only made me feel better but I'm sure it made her feel good too. Its so sad that she has to hide it, but I understand why.

When Dr. W came in I showed him the letter from Dr H and he right away said no problem, went over the risks and the next thing I knew I was signing the consent forms to have the Hysteroscopy and Endo Biopsy done. He said that I should get the call for the appointment date within the next week or so. Guess it finally looks like this could actually be moving along but I won't hold my breath too soon.

Getting Some Blood Work Done!

I'm trying this post from my Blackberry so let's hope this works.

So I guess I'm kind of between clinics, see I had to call RFP because ever since my BFN from my last FET in February AF has been all buggered up and I've had non stop spotting. Yup, you heard that right, ever since February.

10 days ago I decided to put myself on BCP to see if it would stop and nothing changed. So I called the clinic on Wednesday and they finally got back to me today. They want me to go for some blood tests to see why she hasn't stopped yet, thank goodness. So, I'm off to get B/W done. Hopefully I'll get the results tomorrow and we can finally straighten things out.

In other news, I e-mailed the Donor Nurse at ORM yesterday about the donor we would like. I knew she was currently in cycle but who would have thought she would already have another recipient waiting... It turns out we would be third in line - providing she wants to cycle again - which would be around Sept/Oct. The nurse said she'd have to ask her but she wouldn't do that until she's had her retrieval, which should be in 2 - 3 days. After going through it myself 2 times I can't say I would be all that eager to want to do it a third time if I was in her shoes, but ya never know, all one can do is hope.

One More Sleep...

OK, so it's been a long time since I've posted and I have to apologize for that. It's just there really hasn't been much going on lately. This past weekend was a relaxing one - more forced but still relaxing - because it snowed nearly 15cm in a day!

So during my house bound weekend I was able to get our taxes done which brought us a good chunk of money back, YAY!! Thank goodness because we spent a crap load of cash on the past 2 IVF's and 1 FET in 2010 but considering what we spent I didn't get nearly enough moo la back, oh well, this year - providing we get to start a DE cycle - I'll definitely be getting an accountant to do our taxes next year to maximize our deductions to the fullest.

Tomorrow is our phone consult with ORM - they had to cancel our original consult which was on the 7th and change it to the 5th. Not too bad, at least we didn't have to wait weeks after. I'm super excited, I can't wait to get things going.

Today was my dad's fourth round of chemo and next Monday is his week off. Thank goodness because I think its starting to take a toll on him. He tires more easily now, once a man that did woodworking, walked the dog, and curled all in one day to now maybe doing one of those things. He's doing great considering, or at least I think he is, he doesn't say much about how he feels other then good. I try to help out by bring him and my mom meals as much as I can so that he doesn't have to cook and I try and do other things just to hopefully make things easier on him.

Until tomorrow - or the next day - when I let you all know how the consult went. FX that it all works out at that they feel that I can in fact move forward with DE.

The Weekend is Almost Over *Sigh*

I sure wish weekends didn't go so fast.

This morning G had to go tend to some work stuff - he started his own company about a year ago - so I'm just taking it easy, curling up on the couch with my little dog and reading a book because the weather sucks but it's really beautiful out.

Yesterday I went to my parents place to visit my dad and to make them a healthy supper. He seems to be doing pretty good, he hasn't gained any weight back but nor has he lost anymore.

This past week was his week off chemo so he's had a better week this week but tomorrow he's back on chemo for another two weeks. I really hope he's not getting discouraged though because he made a comment to me yesterday that makes me think that he's not as positive as he was at the start of his chemo three weeks ago. I do believe that he is reevaluating some things, which could be a good thing because he's picking up the things he use to love to do many, many years ago and doing them again but he's also been fixing things too so I'm not too sure what that all about.

Right now he's been getting back into building his model boats - very time consuming but they look awesome!! He also loves playing around with his model trains but he doesn't have them set up in this house so he decided one night this last week that he's going to set them up again. I think he finds it relaxing and I'd imagine that it gets his mind off of everything.

As for me, AF hasn't been very nice to me lately. She came on the 10th and now she's back again. I think it's because when I did my last FET my RE moved her up from the end of the month to the beginning so I think I'm going to go back on BCP. This way I can regulate her and hopefully control my endo a little. Should I call my RE and tell him, probably, but I think I would just be wasting time waiting to hear back from him only to hear that he wants to put me on BCP... Or should I call my new RE at ORM to see what I should do, gosh I don't know, if anyone wants to comment please do so. I'm open to any suggestions.

I Can't Believe It!!

I can't believe it, I got home today and checked the mail and there it was, my file from RFP. I only sent the release forms to them on Friday the 18th. Wow, I seriously though that getting my file from them would have been a big struggle because it took them a week to sent a measly 17 illegible pages to ORM via fax.

So I open up the envelope and start reading through my previous IVF cycles. The first page is a letter to my GP that was typed up after our first consult at RFP that stated that a recent ultrasound (u/s) has shown a right Hydrosalpinx... they never mentioned that at our consult!?! As I kept reading it said that "This couple's infertility includes male factor" - is it wrong that I'm secretly happy that it isn't just me? lol Then I keep flipping through the pages and I notice that they didn't include my my chart from cycle one; hmm could that be because they had a question mark on it with the word hydro and they didn't want me to see it?!? Funny because I questioned them on wither or not I may have had a hydro after the first cycle based on what the doctor said at my last u/s before Egg Retrieval (ER) and they denied it. Well lucky me, ORM sent me what they sent them and that page was in there... A holes!! A part of me can't help but think that this could partially be the reason I haven't achieved a BFP yet.

I think what I'm going to do is send the file to ORM in hopes that maybe they can evaluate the entire file and decide wither or not we should do further testing into the hydro. This way I wouldn't be wasting any more time or money on something that won't work because someone couldn't do the proper tests in the first place... Just a little agitated, can ya tell.

The Ball is Rolling

I finally called ORM yesterday and I have a phone consult with Dr Hesla on April 7th. I'm really excited to get things started. I think I've chosen a good clinic but I guess we'll soon see. Until then, it's weight loss time!!

So, for the last twelve days I've been eating no more then 1200 calories a day and waking up at 4:30am every morning to go on my Elliptical to have NOT lost one single pound!! I'm sooo pissed right now, this is more effort then I've ever done to not lose a thing... *sight* Could it have been all the IVF meds I've been putting into my body for the past year?!? I just wish I could get my body back to normal and preferably before my DE cycle.

Other news, my dad had his first chemo treatment on Monday the 7th since being diagnosed with unknown primary liver cancer two months ago. He said that he felt a little nauseous in the evening after the treatment but that could have been because he was suppose to start drinking his eight glasses of water right after the treatment, which he didn't until many hours later. I think he learnt his lesson on that one. Today he said he feels good except for some dizziness, which apparently is one of the side effects. I sure hope that he bets this cancer. I just never thought that this would happen to him but who am I kidding, cancer isn't picky. All I can do is hope and pray that he has the strength to get through this.

Long Time Reader, First Time Poster

In 1999 I met the man I was going to marry and start a family with. Much to our dismay it hasn't quite worked out that way. We got to the marriage part but just haven't reached the family part. Prior to all this infertility stuff life was great, we built our first home, moved in and then got our cute little Manchester Terrier all in 2003. All and all life was pretty normal...

  

and this is where our story begins...

In March 2007 I was diagnosed with stage IV Endometriosis, had surgery, lost my left ovary during the surgery and was told to start TTC as soon as possible.

June 2007, we finally got married after being together for 8 years. It sure did take him long enough to put a ring on it that's for sure.

October 2007, we sold our old home and moved into our new home which we started the building process on in March. The past 7 months had been crazy. I couldn't believe we got through it all in one piece but that was just one of many more to come. What do they say, building a house and getting married are like the number one stressers on a relationship and if you can get through that you can get through anything.

Fast forward to 2011, still nothing in the TTC department.  2 IVF's and 1 FET later with my own eggs, which I might add are very few and far between and the results were negative, negative, negative. So with that said we have come to the decision to move forward using DE.

I'm thinking about going to ORM - Oregon Reproductive Medicine. Right now I think the only thing holding me back is the fear of the unknown. I've done the research and I'm pretty confident in my decision but I just have to get the balls to get the "ball" rolling. Hopefully that will be soon. There could be a little reluctance on my part partially because I'm also dealing with the fact that my dad has been newly diagnoses with cancer which apparently the doctor doesn't think can be cured with Chemo only managed. My dad is my rock, I love him to bits I have no idea how I can do this whole thing without him. I just hope I'll have him around for many more years to come.

OK I hope I haven't bored you all but this is my very first post so be gentle in the comments department.