I Need Some Luck To Come My Way

I thought this year would be my year, but it's turned out that it's not. See this is the Chinese year of the Rabbit, the fertile year. Well it turns out that it is in fact the fertile year because it seems that everyone around me and beyond is getting pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I'm super happy for everyone but WHEN'S IT GONNA BE MY TURN!?!?

The good news, I'm hoping, is that starting January 23, 2012 it will be the year of the Dragon. Which apparently -for people born under that sign - is suppose to be a very lucky year and it just so happens that I was born under the sign of the Dragon. So, I have yet another year to put all my dreams into another, supposedly, lucky sign. I hope

The timing of all this seems to be a good sign too because I'm hoping that we will be doing a FET sometime at the end of February beginning of March. Yaaayyy year of the Dragon.

So I ended up having to take the misoprostal early Saturday morning on November 26th, two weeks after the diagnosed blighted ovum at 7 weeks 4 days. I just couldn't wait any longer to let things happen naturally, I needed to close this chapter so I could move forward with the next chapter. I have to say, it really wasn't as scary as I thought it would be and the pain from my endometriosis surprisingly wasn't all that bad.

I haven't really talked about my dad in a long time, that's partially because he really hasn't had much change up until recently.

Last weekend my dad informs the family that he has decided to stop his chemo. A big part of me is very sad but the other part of me knows that it's probably the best thing for him. I can't blame him. He deserves to enjoy the life he does have being able to enjoy the little things in life and that I'm happy for.

At the end of the day, that's what he's chosen and as much as I'd selfishly love for him to continue with it, it's really not doing anything to the cancer in his liver anyway. So he either dies from the cancer or dies from the chemo, I'm not sure what's worse. At least this way if he's off the chemo he could hopefully have a little better quality of life as oppose to lying on the couch all day not being able to keep anything down.

I just wish things would start to look up, we need some good luck to come our way and soon.

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Still Waiting

It's been a week and 4 days since I've had to stop all my meds - November 10th - to try and have a natural miscarriage and I'm still waiting.

Today I asked if it was possible to be prescribed misoprostal so I can take it on the weekend to get things under way. I just need to move forward from this but as long as I'm agonizingly awaiting for things to happen I just can't move on.

When we talked to Dr H on November 16th about this last cycle he said that everything looked very good. I guess we just happened to be in the 20% that doesn't get pregnant. What luck!!

To top off our luck, it turns out that our donor has under gone some further testing with another recipient and we just found out that she carries one mutation of Alpha 1 Antitrypsin gene. What luck hey!?! So now G has to get tested. I pray that he doesn't have one mutation because that would mean that we would have to do Preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD). Which also means that we would now have to pay to unfreeze the embryos we have, pay to test them, and then pay again to re-freeze them. I wish I would have just done the testing to begin with.

When is my luck going to change?!?!?

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DE IVF #1 - It Didn't Work...

I would have posted sooner but this weekend really was the shittiest weekend ever!!

Thursday we had our second ultrasound at 7 weeks 4 days to see if we could see anything this time. It turns out that the sac grew a little but still reading a week behind and still nothing inside, not even a speck. So the nurse called me later that day and told me to stop all meds and that Dr H would prefer me to have a natural miscarriage rather than a D&C because of possible scaring that it could cause.

Now I wait the dreaded wait. He said it could happen anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks and that if it hasn't happened within 2 weeks to give him a call and he'll prescribe some meds to help it along. This just really sucks, I thought for sure that DE would result in a pregnancy the first time. I guess I was wrong but on the bright side of things I guess it's good to know that I can at least get pregnant, if that's what you want to call a blighted ovum.

Now I know that it's just a sac that I have to expel but I'm absolutely terrified of having to naturally miscarry.  My period at the best of times is excruciating because of my endometriosis, I can't imagine how it's going to be now. I've been trying to read stories on the Internet and they sound pretty painful.

Then to top off my oh so wonderful long weekend, on Thursday G tells me that his sister and his cousin are both pregnant. I'm happy for his sister but it really couldn't have come at a worst time. Now I have to some how find it in me to congratulate her. I am absolutely devastated this didn't work.

The plan is that we're hoping to do a FET sometime in January or February 2012.

Thanks so everyone for your wonderful support.

DE IVF #1 - 1st Ultrasound not so good...

We had our first ultrasound yesterday and I'm very sad to say that I don't think it looks very good. Yesterday we were 6 weeks 2 days and the ultrasound indicated that we were only about 5 weeks, the gestational sac measuring 6.4mm with no yolk sac or fetal pole. I'm utterly devastated. Nothing seems to come easy to us.

Though, I suppose there could be some hope, the doctor said that sometimes it is difficult to interpret the results given because results of an ultrasound this early depends on the equipment and the technician preforming the ultrasound.  He thinks it would be best to do another ultrasound in approximately 10 day. In the between time I have asked to do another HCG test just to keep my mind at ease, hopefully. I do however understand that at this point the numbers don't continue to double but to know that there going up would mean the world to me.

I'll up date more when I find out when my tests will be... and the waiting continues. :(

Has anyone had something similar happen to them and it's turn out for the positive?

DE IVF #1 - 17dp5dt - 3rd Beta Results

Today my beta results came in at 1237. Dr H again says he's very optimistic, hopefully it's true. He said he wants to continue with my scheduled U/S on November 1st to give us a better idea as to what's going on, so no more beta's for me. Not too sure what to think about that. I'm a little sad but as long as I have you guys I'm sure I'll make it to next Tuesday. :)

I really don't have much for symptoms except very thirsty all the time and quit hungry too.

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